2. Aquarius Blues
You guys are probably wondering where I have been.
If I’m being honest, burn out is real. Lack of motivation, no inspiration, and procrastination is my best friend. I know “consistency is key” but this is my journey. I will make mistakes and I’m okay with that. What I am not okay with is, the current routine in my life, working at a job with no substance, love interests who aren’t serious, and settling.
When I was jobless, I prayed for routine. I currently live in Charlotte, NC (I hate it here) but I’m from the Bronx. I’m use to having an eventful day even if I did nothing. That’s what I enjoy the most about NYC. You can have no plans, no money, no friends and still have the most eventful day. I’m not talking about some “based on how you view life, that’s how you will experience it” nonsense. I'm referring to the time I was walking home from school and ran into Ben Stiller because I had seen him waiting to pick up his daughter from school. I miss that life experience.
I’m not trying to bash Charlotte. Charlotte has been very good to me, but everything seems one note here and it’s getting old. Flakey people, nightlife can get repetitive, and I’m always reminded of how much I think differently from the locals.
I like my job, but I don’t love my job. My job has taught me a lot about myself and what I tolerate but it’s not something I want to pursue long term. If I’m being honest, it could be any job, I’m just ready to come back home. I won’t blame all my problems on Charlotte because when I move back to New York, I’m pretty sure I will find something to complain about, like the men.
Men up north still pursue me knowing that I’m out here, for whatever reason. Nevertheless, that does not make them any less disappointing. Quite frankly, I’m tired of men wasting my time and being led with their dicks and ego.
I was talking to a man that let it be known from our first conversation that he was not looking for a relationship. He was looking for someone that he wanted to vibe and have fun with. I was all for the conversation but anything further than that? Absolutely not. Long story short, he got mad at me for “wanting a pen pal” and called me weird for not seeing him within the 24hrs I was in the city. But in my mind, I was thinking “what is the rush? You don’t see yourself pursuing a relationship with me anyway” and I’m too cool to convince someone to pursue me. Doesn’t matter if its a friend or love interest.
I’m not entertaining that nonsense. Been there and done that. Unless you’re the sugar daddy I met in Mexico (Hi Harry), I’m not entertaining that. If I haven’t made myself clear, if you’re not rich, I will not be entertaining that. (I did not pursue the sugar daddy in Mexico but me and my friends had a time!) I love the thought of being in love. I love the thought of someone being gentle with my emotions and genuinely caring about me as a person. I want someone who wants to be my friend first. Get to know all of me.
Sidebar: I went on a date out here a few weeks ago and expressed this to a man and he said “even though you want to be friends first and don’t want sex to ruin things, do you mind if we have sex?”
That is how my love life is going.
Well Kaia what do you say? I said sure.
